whisky tastes like rubber--always has

Things I saw today:

1. A rather typical person, dressed in the typical professional attire. Except. She had this on her head. I wish I were kidding.

2. He was serious.

Also on the horizon a note to the fellas at the gym:

Guys:

Firstly, I appreciate your heart healthy initiative to get out and be active on a daily basis. It is difficult to walk against the tide of Washingtonians, and Americans for that matter, flowing into restaurant establishments during the lunch hour. So, kudos to your endeavor, but we have a few problems:

1. jock straps. Gentlemen, no one. NO ONE. In this gym is in high school. No one is gearing up for football, wrestling, or any other full contact sport that requires protective support. please. stop. donning. The undergarment. But, if you must, please. please. PLEASE. Stop walking all over the locker room. And for the sake of my future lunch, DO NOT bend over. It's uncalled for.

2. Shower rules. I understand we are business professionals with a desire to cram a solid cardio-significant workout into a short time window. We're all slaves to our schedules, but when a guy has a shower on, moreover with his product (i.e. face wash, washcloth, or I dunno, self) in the shower, please refrain from entering. The Laissez- faire approach just isn't working. Furthermore, it is incredibly awkward when developing the contingency plan. What do you say to the naked, hairy, singing, man in your shower? "Excuse me, I know you're washing yourself in there, but if you could just hand me my shampoo, that would be great."

3. It's a bathroom, not a runway. okay?

Thank you for your attention to these matters, I know I write many letters, probably too many letters, but I know we will all benefit from some simple consideration.

--Gesticulator

Turkey shoes

Actual conversation I had with the 9 freckled girl:

9FG: So, I had lunch with my mom today

Me: Why?...well not why, but what was she doing in the city…you know…

9FG: She took the subway in, she wanted to talk about Thanksgiving

Me: Oh…I see

[sidebar-this is our first holiday season spent in blissful marital union, which means, there have been heavy, and I mean heavy, negotiations pertaining to who spends which holiday where. 9FG and I emerged scarred but with a battle plan. T-Day with hers (rotating every other year), C-mas to ourselves (always). We even offered to have the festivities at our house. Citing ample room, and a nice urban setting as just cause]

9FG: There is no way she'll have it here [the D of C]

Me: Oh..I see, so what can we bring

9FG: Yes, well, that's the thing. I told her we could bring a pie or stuffing or something…

Me: [interrupting] sounds rational enough, you know the standard T-day fare

9FG: Yes, well I think you should know something. She's planning events.

Me: Events?

9FG: Yes, events. She wants the entire family there for cinnamon buns in the morning.

Me: Well, we'll be there all afternoon, so a nice leisurely morning [to ourselves] would be nice…

9FG: Then she wants to make t-shirts

Me: t-shirts? She wants to sew?

9FG: No, she wants to paint t-shirts, you know, start a tradition for the family

Me: 9FG, we're adults. I don't want to paint a family t-shirt. I failed art.

9FG: That's not all [at this point 9FG starts biting her lip and smiling-BAD sign], she wants us to make a thankful tree

Me: I don't know what that is. What is a thankful tree? She wants us to plant too? She's letting her hippie roots poison the obligatory holiday…

9FG: No, no, no…not plant, she wants us to write something we're thankful for on a leave made of construction paper; go to the backyard and pick out a stick; and put the thankful leaves together in a pot to make a tree

Me: [blank stare. Mouth gaping. Lots of blinking]

9FG: I tried to talk her out of it, but she wasn’t having it

Me: Has she been watching Sesame Street? because I swear if big bird shows up, I'll pluck him and roast him…

9FG: She has things planned for the entire day

Me: Are we going to eat food, like turkey, and stuffing, and gravy, and I don't know, PUMPKIN PIE

9FG: Don't know, she left saying something about tofu-turkey

Clear!

I've become a junkie. I'm one year behind the rest of the cultural phenomenon, but I'm gaining ground. The 9 freckled girl and I have watched the entire first season in 3 days. Addictive is a mild diagnosis, I dream about these people, I worry about these people, I love and hate these people. On this island. With phantom monsters. With dynamite. And happy family reunions. I need it like the hobbit needs his heroine.
More news! Look! A puppy! She's a blue Great Dane. She's big, and floppy, and happy, and thirsty. The dog drinks a LOT of water, and like to expel it on the stairs, the waterfall effect, you know? The nine freckled girl adores the domesticated (well sort of) animal. Thus far, she's proven to love: squirrels, pigeons, dirt clumps, her own feces, a screaming monkey named "Bamboo",toilet paper, toilet water and a fluffy puppy friend, Fenway. So far, she doesn't like: the grill, the sidewalk, people who don't pay attention to her, and going to sleep at night. Very sweet, and not nearly as hellish as BAW's k-9 from the pits of Hades

I'm having an olfactory centered today, here are my observations:

This autumn smells like rubber

The subway smells like Christmas

15th Street smells like peanuts and Easter eggs

Happy Monday!