Fool hearted

I'm somewhat of a germaphobic. There are certain things i can't touch without instantly applying copious amounts of the ever-dependable anti-bacterial alcohol goodness of hand sanitizer or washing my hands with hot water while singing "happy birthday" in my head. This leads to very dry, itchy and irritated skin but alas poor dermatology is not the subject of this blog. One such things i abhor: placing my flesh upon the bathroom door, particularly one with a handle that swings in. I hate this construction feature. There are two doors leading to the bathroom at work. The first swings out (upon entry) where one comes upon a "holding area" by which the second door can be pushed open. Fast forward to post-bathroom use, apply hand washing ritual mentioned above. Queue paper towel, pull door open with said drying device. now. the same genius that designed the door-swings-into-the-bathroom idea also installed the garbage receptacle at the furthermost section from the door, leaving me to be Alan Iverson. I, with same distaste for littler as germs (as litter breeds germs), must now aim and shoot. I've gotten fairly talented which elicits a little happy dance in the little holding area before resuming serious-work-attitude entering the hall. The dance resembles an Elvis-like hip shimmy with hands in the air and a quiet "Yeah!" or "that's right!" At this point I'm elated at my athletic aptitude and my little dance and i emerge one happy little guy. There are several variations to the dance depending on the difficulty of the shot and other factors (such as the amount of refuse in the receptacle and how quickly i must execute the duty). These doors are also equipped with handicapped accessible systems, where by the push of a button the door opens (Why don't i simply use the buttons and automatic system? you ask. because that would be cheating-i like the challenge). The doors swing open at an alarming rate. One could easily be knocked unconscious by the sheer force. Well i was half way through my victory dance when such a button was pushed, the doors swing open and there stand 4 men I've never seen before. My hands are in the air, my mouth curved at the "oh" part of "oh, yeah!" Quickly, they exchanged glances and came to an unspoken agreement that i was a well dressed mail room employee. My mouth opened and closed, open and closed....i waved with both my hands, pushed through the crowd and never looked back. Their laughs echoed after me as i left the building for the day. In light of my humiliating experience i must still confess i do the dance each time i make the shot and each time i laugh like an idiot at the sight of my orangutan appearance. I hate you bacteria. i hate you.

The apple dumpling gang

One month my friends, one month. I wish you new year salutation and such. I hope this finds you well and prosperous. After all, only 10 days have passed. how much could really go wrong? Much to report. The fiancé is home. check. Christmas was great. check. New years was a blast. check. Great new game check, check and check. great game. Kudos to the marloborough gang for the hook up. Who says hook up?
Right new year meant new neighbors on my quiet, tree-lined, court. A young couple, in their 20s, began their move several months ago and have fully began their inhabitation as the said neighbor in the adjoining townhouse. The new neighbors are of the yuppie persuasion, their walls are canvases boasting accents, youth, vitality and comfort. Stylish new appliances, 1-large screen TV and a projector for the 65 INCH TV IN THE BASEMENT, hardwood floors, gas fireplace...this is a nice house. Now before you assume I am jealous let me reassure you. I was momentarily envious when a truck unloaded boxes of new furniture but that quickly passed as I observed their living habits. They don't work the typical 9-5, no problem. We've all worked evenings. How do I know? easy. The evening goes something like this:

2:00 AM - woman's voice. outside. on cell phone. "WHAT? OH MY GOD! YOUR KIDDING! NO WAY!"
2:01 AM - open and slam front door
2:02 AM - greets boyfriend at door. The couple straps on wooden clogs.
2:00 AM-3:30 AM - roll bowling balls down wooden stairs and chase after them with said footwear.
3:30 AM-3:45 AM - quiet. I begin to fall asleep again. Dreaming of red and white pins. I can almost smell the smoke and beer.
3:45 AM-5:40 AM - turn on each TV with some variation of an action/adventure movie. I find they tend to favor anything with helicopters, explosions and poor English speaking heroes
6:00 AM - I awake to the lovely sound of alarm static. survey the walls to ensure no sports equipment and/or shrapnel are hazardously protruding.
6:15 AM-6:45 AM - "accidentally" hit the panic button on my car's alarm system. Complete with flashing lights and obnoxious horn blowing repetition.
7:00 AM - Depart for work with car alarm still blaring.

I tried to set off some firecrackers in my 12-quart pot reminiscent of home alone but to no avail. Yes, I dedicate my first post to you, my Flintstone neighbors.

Cheers!