Excuse me sir? you have a cicada on your shirt.

Yes these very words filtered their way through the mass of people loaded onto the morning train to downtown DC. Many men casually looked themselves over to ensure they weren't being attacked by the monstrous red-eyed beast. Alas it was my suit the little bugger had affixed himself to. I had two options: 1. Panic. The picture would not be pretty, it would involve the skittish, downward patting a person performs when told a dozen scorpions are climbing their leg. This coupled with gratuitous swearing and stomping would be the perfect start to my day. OR. 2. Calmly pinch the cicada's wings together, carefully stand and walk him to the nearest train's orifice and toss him free to the warm June day. This of course poses a problem. The subway is full. Even if I get up to set him free only to be stepped on by another passenger I would loose my seat. What is a person to do? The cost to liberate this solitary pestilence from the doom awaiting him on the orange line would cost me my precious seat. The next 45 minutes would be spent standing while attempting to read while the ebb and flow of commuters collide into me. This is entirely too difficult before 8 am. Fearing PITA retribution I choose option # 2. I stood similarly to a baseball player ready to steal home. I eyed the standing passengers, then the door, then the passengers (who were now aware of what I was doing), door, passengers and made a run for it.
She started to move at the same time I did. A large woman wearing a lovely giraffe caftan bolted for the open seat (which I had wisely left my book). Cicada. Wings. Door. Throw. Spin. Run. We were neck and neck, I underestimated the power of the giraffe. She was big and moved very quickly. My svelte, otter like body, allowed my to slide in right as she turned to sit.
Inertia: an object in motion stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. Object=giraffe caftan, outside force=my chest. Her plump, spotted toosh hit me with the force of an airbag. I was certain I heard ribs cracking. "excuse me I didn't see you there" she said to my air gasping body. Once I regained my breath I told her not to worry about it and offered her the seat she tried to take. She shook her head firmly no and I got to read all the way to work.